Hello again dear readers, so I’m just here in bed, nursing a cup of green tea and also a few thoughts. When friendship comes to mind what do you think about? Hugs, holding hands, fun, laughing, sharing and lots of love but lets face it, that isn’t the case half the time especially in this period we live in.
On the journey to find our purpose, God brings different people into our lives, some are placed to be a lesson well learnt, some to be with us through a certain period, some to be there forever. These days, its like people preach against friendship. Social media posts and memes go on about how friendship hasn’t helped anyone, fake friends are everywhere, put yourself first, money over everything and so on. While that is true, I believe that the role of friendship and bonds in one’s life is very important. No man is an island and we all eventually have to trust someone at some point if we want to get on in this life. Everyone has their short comings and while we keep looking out for that loyal friend and mistrusting others, castigating those who don’t exhibit some perfect traits, we need to remind ourselves we also are not perfect humans and that which we look for in others we must first find it in ourselves (“Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson just begun playing in my head lol). It is said that no one makes history being liked, but no one actually made history without friends. Hell, even Jesus had friends but it didn’t stop him from being crucified. That was his destiny, He came so He could die and be resurrected, rejected by His own, even Peter denied Him and, of course, Judas Iscariot. Have you ever wondered though, what His ministry on earth would have been like without the twelve on His side? Who carried on the gospel after His death? His disciples! They inspired others and Christians multiplied to million and hundreds of generations. If Jesus was okay all by Himself, God wouldn’t have made Him take all those disciples.
We shouldn’t give in to what the world of today is saying about bonds and friendship. The most successful men made it to where they were by networking and befriending a whole lot of people. Now, here comes the point of this post, those people they befriended were not just anybody, but the RIGHT people. “Who are these right friends”? you may ask. I’d give you a little insight.
A lot of people go around carrying bitter feelings with them, angry at everyone, angry at themselves, even angry at God for allowing some things happen to them because of the people they trusted in as friends. Though I am an advocate for people believing in others and opening themselves up, I also believe you should know who you should be doing that with. As I said earlier, no one is perfect and we shouldn’t look for the perfection we don’t have in others and I don’t know what exactly friends should do to be called one but I do know that which friends don ot do and I was gracious enough to put together a nice list.
- Friends do not bring each other down: You know that “friend” that says the most depressing things and always discourages you when you want to try something new. That friend that always tends to “remind you of your roots” in the most savage way possible? Well I have news, that person isn’t your friend.
- Friends do not fold their hands or downplay your success instead of clapping when you win: There are some so called friends that no matter what you do they always find something wrong or something you could have done better instead of just expressing how happy for you they are. You could cure cancer and they say its not that big of a deal. Like seriously? Let’s not even start with those that play the “unlooking” game whenever you are being celebrated or make some sort of progress. What are you still doing around such people please?
- Friends are all about giving without expectations: Those people that always look for what they are going to gain from you are not friends. They are always concerned about taking, taking, and then some more. They never want to pay for anything, they don’t care how you get by, all they want to know is what’s new, whats incoming so they can take their share. They would rather use your stuff and keep theirs and they claim they care about you and when they do give, they always make sure they get it back in two folds. Think again, such people are not friends.
- Friends do not flee in times of trouble: Some friends only seem to be around when all is rosy. Once you are in a fix or things go bad, they seem to disappear into thin air. There are some friends you do not see their breaklights when you are broke, but suddenly they are the ones that seem to always be around you when you get that contract. It’s like they have you under their radar. Beware of “they” (in DJ Khaled’s voice)!
- Friends do not throw your weaknesses in your face but encourage you instead: Some people call themselves your friends but wouldn’t hesitate to bash you in public. They are always reminding you how poor your family is, how fat you are, how unpolished you are and so on. Some of those friends are so into it that they even throw it into totally unrelated conversations and its almost like they feed off your misery. For instance, someone could be like “the sky is blue” and they are like “Yeah, totes! Just like Amy can’t sing to save her life”! and then go ahead and tell the total stranger about one embarrassing moment on stage you had. Bruh!
- Friends don’t make friends with your enemies: This one is just deep. You call yourself someone’s friends but somehow you are still “cool” with people that are not cool with him or her and you guys are living it up without a care in the world and then you come back to meet that “friend” of yours and join him/her to diss those same people and talk about all the dumb shit they said to you and that makes you innocent? I think not.
- Friends do not wait for something bad to happen to you before they warn you: Stay away from “I knew it” kinda friends, I mean, the only thing worse than “I told you so” is someone claiming to have seen the trouble all along and thought they weren’t in a position to warn you yet they call you “friend”. Is my misery for your entertainment?
- Friends do not agree with everything you say and wouldn’t lie to try to impress you: Watch closely those people that watch you go against your family, loved ones and just go with you. They never challenge anything you say, you could decide to take liquor into a mosque and they are like “Yes! good idea”! NO!! Humans are not wired that way. We all have opinions and if he or she goes with every idea you bring good or bad, then they are hiding things from you and they feel the need to impress you or be in your good books because they have an agenda. Not a good sign.
- Friends do not speak ill of you in front of anybody and everybody: There are some codes that shouldn’t be broken in friendship no matter what. Someone who is your friend should always defend you regardless of what is going on between you two. Your secrets shouldn’t be aired out just because you have a fight. Backbiting is a no! Friends don’t do that to each other.
- Friends do not want your life and everything in it: You simply cant be friends with someone that wants to have everything you have because life doesn’t work that way. The friend that sees you with a new car and goes to buy that exact same car even if they had to steal to get it. The friend that thinks she deserves your man more than you do *lol*. Resentment and envy sets in when things don’t go their way and its inevitable. It is best when you are both grounded and not trying to compete unnecessarily with one another.
It really is this simple, anyone that exhibits any of the above listed characteristics is either a frenemy, hater, follower or monitoring spirit, not your friend. Most times they give themselves up times and over but we overlook it until all the ugly comes out and its staring us right in the face. Stop waiting for the worst to happen. There is no smoke without fire, a lion doesn’t eat grass and friends don’t do what enemies do even if its just once. If, also, you find some of these traits in yourself, you should work on being a better friend and getting rid of any negative vibes.
I really hope this article has reached out to you guys. Share with your friends and family. Catch a frenemy today!
You know I’m awesome, xoxo.