Relationship or Situationship?

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Hello there, so this is my official first post on the blog. For those of you that know me well from the previous blog know we are in for a joy ride. After the struggle of medical school and changing status from student to unemployed I figured I should go back to my first love which is writing. The past few weeks for me has been a time of reflecting and transformation. I changed my perspective on so many things about life, it has been amazing. Truly the only thing constant in this life is actually change!

So, I and a girlfriend of mine got talking last week about certain issues and I got inspired to write about it. It was about losing ones self in the process of being with someone for a long time and the toll it can take on your self-confidence and mental health. Yes, I said mental health. Some of y’all are probably asking yourselves, “Is it that deep”? It actually is. Serious relationships in these times is for those who are mentally and emotionally sound, the resilient and the mature; and when I talk about mature it has more to do with experience than age.

It’s 2016 and there is a lot going on with social media, standards of beauty, side chicks and side dudes, the constant hype of being cold and heartless and rants about how everyone is replaceable, cutting people off is trending and we can go on and on. Now, in the middle of all this craziness there you are trying to hold on to this special bond you share with someone but at the same time refusing to be the object of ridicule in these times. The pressure to have your life together or at least appear to, the unspoken competition you put yourself into with your fellow girls or guys and even other couples could really take its toll on your relationship. I’m here to tell you to breathe. Yes darling, take a deep breath and think about this.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships its that everything in this life is in turns. There might be a point where you feel smaller than your partner because you have let all these standards get to you and its the other way round in some cases. Simple things like them telling you they are going out with friends or something as trivial he sound of their cellphone ringing or a text coming in could bring you close to a nervous breakdown or the attention they get from the opposite sex could put you in a frenzy. There are times you feel like you’re not good enough when you see that rich guy pull up in his Benz to say hello to your girl. You see the Lagos big girls in their rides and their flawless light skin and you wonder how your partner resists all that on a daily. You look around you and everyone is winning in life and somehow it excludes you. Most people get it wrong here, instead of them to look inward and see a way to solve the problem so they can go back to feeling equal with their partners again, they take it all out on them and begin to exhibit unhealthy behaviors like being overly suspicious, nagging, unnecessary outbursts, jealousy thinking they are right and failing to realize that they are simply allowing their insecurities to get the better of them. It gets ugly believe me.

What I advice people experiencing a down period in their relationships is to work on themselves. There were guys with Benz when that girl picked you, there where more beautiful and hotter girls when he saw something in you and decided to make you his lady. You shouldn’t allow things to shake you. For some reason, he’s paying attention to someone else but he still comes back home to you every day, doesn’t he? When he’s down, who does he call? When she gets that job or contract, who does she call first to celebrate with? Those are the things that matter, your partner knows what treasure he or she has in you, it is just human nature for us to forget to express it at times. If there’s something about yourself you think could be better it is that time to change it. I believe the key to a successful relationship is constantly reinventing yourself. It is a competitive world out there, but you don’t let life’s challenges and your insecurities destroy what took so long to build. Go for that training, invest in your skin, start that new business, always keep your partner thrilled with the things you can do with yourself. Talking to your partner about your feelings and insecurities also helps and more importantly talking to God. Don’t forget you are special and no one can take your place on this earth.

You know I’m awesome. Xoxo

 

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29 comments

  1. This is true, a lot of times we let our insecurities get the best out of us. But we fail to realize there were so many options before you got chosen. One thing I’ll like to add to the working on yourself is that you should try to find the root of every problem that comes up in a relationship. One thing I’ve learnt from my relationship is that sometimes little compromise just has to occur. If your partner is insecure about something find out. Help each other walk through it. If he feels insecure about you going out too much. Make conscious effort to talk to him while out and maybe cut down on the outing. Sometimes Netflix and chill lol. Proud of my baby nice write up

    http://www.theblackwriter.com

  2. Why do I feel like I am the one who wrote this? I agree with and can relate with every sentence.

    A part of the post kinda describes the situationship I’m in, at the moment..

    Also the advice is thoughtful and uplifting. Thank you for this.

    1. Glad I could be of help. We are all more similar than we realize. Talking about real issues such as these shows most of us go through the same things and its actually okay to feel these things so far we can help eachother.

  3. Very true.To a great deal I think insecurity plays a large part in this phenomenon. A lot of young people are uncertain of themselves and the situations around them. They follow the bandwagon coz they believe it protects them

  4. I have been caught up in this kinda of situation, and i can totally relate….insecurity is not healthy for any relationship

    1. Thanks Olaide, it isn’t healthy at all, I hope this would others see they are not alone and that they can fight off the negative vibes by looking inwards.

  5. Congratulations Oyindamola dear! We have been waiting for this !

    Very lovely post!!

    The blog looks great!
    Looking forward to reading more from you!

  6. Intelligent and well articulated write up…I like the part that says “work on yourself” and “re-invent yourself”
    Keep it up

  7. wow! I never knew you write. beautiful piece dear! you said it all! looking forward to your next post.

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