Hello dear readers, interesting topic.. I know. But then again, it has to come up from time to time, even on a blog like mine. After all love is the deepest darkest desire of every human being.
I say the “deepest darkest desire” because I have discovered this to be so. It is something that can’t be denied and was actually planted into our very being by God…. on purpose.
This past year, my whole outlook of love has evolved and drastically changed. It has been a process of becoming and unbecoming for several years but eventually my journey has brought me to a very eye opening reality and I really don’t mind sharing it with everyone.I have gone from the girl who believes there’s that one person out there that would completely understand you and make you feel whole to the girl that knows that it is absolutely impossible to get total fulfillment from another imperfect being like yourself. I have been reading books, analyzing relationships, the “whys”, the “hows”, the motives and reason behind human behavior and it still brings me to the same conclusion. In a book by Dale Carnegie “How to win friends and influence people”, it was written over and over again how the biggest desire of anyone alive is “to be recognized, to feel important”. Now that book isn’t a love manual, in fact, it is more about leadership and business relationships. But it highlights that very big point that is the sole drive for people looking love. It’s all a about a sense of importance. Other things that kept reoccurring as I read that book were things about people being more interested in themselves than anything else and how winning them would always be attained by talking in terms of the other person and being genuinely interested in the things that make them tick. Nothing else really mattered.
Another thing that I saw that hit me was a statement where Mr Carnegie quoted someone “Every man you meet feels like they are your superior in some way”. All of these made me wonder, what is the whole hassle about then? Why are we struggling among ourselves all in the name of love? Why burden another human being to dedicate all their attention on to you when their primary interest is themselves and themselves alone? What are we really expecting? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, why do we still feel that longing regardless of knowing all of these?
Personally, I would say we’ve been misinformed from the get-go about how love really is. Loving someone else in this world doesn’t guarantee that you are going to stop being you. It doesn’t even guarantee you will not fall in love with someone else. I dare say it is impossible to find someone that has you has their sole interest and purpose.
I see a lot of women lamenting, angry that their men even dared to look at another woman. The real question is, why not? You would get replies like “because he’s with me” “he should be faithful” “its not right”. Who told you so? What everyone seemed to have omitted is the dynamics that have to be first set right before these things come to play. It’s not automatic. A man that isn’t bound by any higher power isn’t going to stop himself from pursuing his desires just because you are “his woman”. Feelings are as fickle as the weather, unstable and unreliable. Rules were made to be broken and abiding by them doesn’t mean that is genuinely what you want to do. You cant keep holding people up by titles and social structures “the main” “husband “ “fiance” “the wife” “pregnant wife” cuz apparently, it doesn’t seem to stop them from doing whatever they want to do anyways. It’s time to break down those walls and get to the real root of the matter.
Brothers and sisters, when you take a look at all these issues, you realize that it’s still all about you and your pride. If your partner loves something or someone else so much it really isn’t a problem because its their feelings and their choice. The problem really is you thinking of how its going to affect you and the spite you feel that this person that has claimed to love you has awakened that innate desire in you to feel special and suddenly, he or she setting his sights on something else so rudely bursts your bubble and is indirectly telling you, “okay, maybe you are not that special after all”. You are furious, you call it betrayal, whatever it is. But in all of these it has been your bubble, your pride, your feelings. It’s ALL about you!
The catch here is, humans are selfish beings and we would all want to project our emptiness on another human being who is equally selfish and empty. Doesn’t really make any sense if you ask me. But what do we care, it’s how these things should be right? And of course, there’s Romeo and Juliet, Barak and Michelle, Jayz and Beyonce (okay scratch that lol). You hear things like “do they have two heads”. My dear one, you don’t want to know their back story. We’ve been told this is how it ought to be and we spend all our lives fighting our basic instincts trying to be politically correct. I think we really should ask questions. We claim we are in love but are quick to list all the “sacrifices” we’ve made when things go south. Seriously? Truly, could people only be concerned with their own satisfaction and use what they call love to draw it out of other people?
The best example of true love will always be that of a parent to a child. It just keeps giving, makes sacrifices like they are a way of life, would pick the child’s life over theirs any day anytime (think 1 Corinthians 13). That is a reflection of how we were made to love. But things got jumbled up along the way.
Once you realize that no man can love you more than he loves himself and his desires, you would be set free. Until people go into relationships with a mindset of common grounds, connection, respect and commitment, marriages will continue to break and people will continue to cheat. What we fail to realize is that we all are the same. We are wanderers, looking for something to fill up that void and we won’t stop until we get it. “Love” would always remain a scam that would never give us that true satisfaction we need because it was never designed to be met up by anything that is finite and imperfect.
It all seems gloomy and cynical so far but there is good news. I have found the perfect solution, the perfect love, the perfect stranger. His name is Jesus Christ. He is God. He set that desire for love in every man’s spirit as a device to draw them to Him. Most people find God while on this search to fill up this common emptiness. Many wave it off as religion and what not. But I’m here to tell you that nothing else in this broken world can give you such meaning.
Now, let’s take it back again to the basics. Imagine two half empty beings coming together the empty joins the other’s empty and the half full joins the other half and this is where everyone gets it wrong. They believe that’s it, “the two become one” THEY ARE COMPLETE” issa no! The two empties don’t cancel out each other, It still there! It’s innate. Nothing can ever fill it up, not a child, money, career or a chaste partner. This is why you see people cheating on a seemingly perfect partner. Human beings can never be satisfied, and certainly not by another insatiable human being. The statement, ‘it’s not you, its me” sound pretty cliche and annoying, but most of the time it is what it is. That’s where most relationship problems arise. It’s never really about the other person.
Imagine now, two people filled up with Christ’s love coming together. How wonderful would that be? A complete and content man and a woman that matches the same description. They don’t have anything to worry about, one won’t try to suck the life out of the other because they won’t feel the need to, the other will not go searching everywhere for that feeling of importance and security because he already has it in abundance. These two individuals know exactly why they are together and have no fears. They know they are special, they know their future is bright, they are sure to have an expected end, and here’s the awesome part, it has nothing to do with their partner. It’s no longer about them.. they are aware there’s something greater than them. They are simply vessels allowing God to flow through them and manifest His perfect will.
Now, before y’all come for me and start with the “but Christians cheat” “pastors get divorced”. First of all, this isn’t a crusade for you to join a certain religion. This is wayyy deeper than that. It has nothing to do with having Christianity as a religion. This is about a personal one on one relationship with God who in my own belief you go to through Christ. It doesn’t matter what your religion is; knowing the mind of God and having a true one on one relationship with him is the sweetest devotion. It is then and only then that you achieve that true satisfaction. So even if some people claim to be “Christian” or “Muslim” or “Ustad” or “priest” or “Poojari”, those titles won’t matter if this relationship and deep understanding is lacking. You would always be found wanting.
You are not crazy, your cheating ex is not the devil, yes you are doing enough. Both of you however are just trying to figure things out and want the same thing. Even the baddest player would melt when he encounters love, a prostitute will blossom like a flower when she encounters love. Everyone wants love, they just are looking in all the wrong places to find it (and lying to themselves they don’t need it).
Allow God to love someone through you today because you can never do it perfectly on your own. Allow yourself to be loved by someone who sees you through God’s eyes because no matter what only He knows your deepest desires. Yield to Him today and your love life is secure.
Thanks for reading. Kindly share to someone who might need this.
You know im awesome, xoxo