Men are Distractions

Do you ever just sit down and wonder what life would be like if there was no man in your life. We were all made to get by in this life on our own but you decide to let someone in and they fill you with all sorts of hopes and dreams that you get lost in. Most of the time all these hopes and expectations slow you down and without knowing you forget all the goals you set for yourself is the dreamy bubble of love you found yourself in.

I noticed that girls who are single are more focused on their goals than girls who are in relationships. The mindset that they are on their own gets them up on their feet everyday and even those who are the lazy types or hopeless romantics eventually have to wake up one day and tell themselves that no man is gonna lead them to their goals so they have to help themselves. Girls who are in relationships have the same oppurtunity to make this fact known to themselves but most of the time, how do you tell yourself that while in those powerful arms that make you feel protected and without worry, that good morning text you wake up to everyday that makes you feel you don’t even have to try or that constant support your man gives you in every endeavor you venture into? There is no difference between both girls only that one is heavily distracted while the other is just living in the real world.

No shade, but before y’all come for me im actually talking about people in real life 2016, relationship with a typical Nigeran man with the Nigerian mindset not those high school musical relationships you guys idealize on social media that end up in heart breaks. That’s a story for another day. In the Nigerian relationship of today, the man assumes you are already his wife and tries to control your life. He wants to be the center of your universe while you might not necessarily be his and he tells you it’s his career or whatever and tells you he gotta pay the bills. He financially supports you and tells you not to receive support from other men, tells you what to wear, what kind of business to do, the kind of job he doesn’t want you doing and so on. This isn’t as bad as it sounds but when you look at it, the problem comes when amidst all this, you try to keep up with those dreams of yours, what makes you most happy, your personal goals while trying to be the perfect girl and please your man. I know that a lot of relationships don’t go by the above but a lot more than you think are actually in this setting. Maybe I should even stop generalizing and narrow this down to girls with actual ambitions because honestly, some people just don’t bother setting goals for themselves and just wait on a man to control their lives. It really takes a level of mental strength, resilience and grace to stay true to yourself while being in this misguided Nigerian relationship set up. You look back at times and wonder if you would have been better alone, more in tune with yourself and sometimes you also wonder how your life would be without this man. Independence is a precious jewel.

My advice to young ladies is not to play yourselves. If you get carried away by your female friends and find yourself always trying to impress, always reaching, copying others and seeking approval then you are not even close to being able to handle to pressure that comes with a relationship. You are lost all by yourself and you want to drag another person that might also be lost into your life. no good could come out of that. Most girls are so obsessed with having someone, they forget how much it can take its toll on you as a person. It’s not a joking sturvs (in Falz’s voice). Work on being independent, standing on your own two feet, going to the utmost length in your education, investing in your talents. Baby girl, men are like buses, when one leaves, another comes. Those in relationships should also be extra careful. It doesn’t hurt to take some breaks to reflect, remember when you were born that boyfriend wasn’t with you and you did not die all those years growing up so nothing is going to change now. Some guys on their own already have serious mental issues and insecurities and are just looking for who to take them out on. Do not let any one control the direction of your life except God or in the very least, your parents. Be clear about what you want, go for your goals. Men love to make promises that can make you lose focus and they make you feel like you don’t need to work hard or do anything that makes a difference. It feels that way truly even if he’s a very good man. It is just their nature to be providers and protectors and they mean well but sometimes you need to stand your ground and be focused on what you want. You find that it is one of the many things men love about their women.

Be the best version of yourself because in the end it is you and your God. Hold him closer than any man or boyfriend, He won’t lead you astray. That’s all I just wanted to share with you guys. Comment and share with friends let’s see what you think. Have a beautiful day!

You know im awesome, xoxo.

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  1. I totally agree… Especially the part where the single ones are more goal oriented than those in a relationship… In general girls need to buckle up

  2. Absolutely spot on. Honestly I feel a bit sad when I see ladies who are complacent towards building themselves because they have a man who shoulders all their responsibility.

    I’d want my sister or daughters to have clear set career/financial/spiritual/social goals totally independent of a man and work towards achieving them.

    Lots of teenage girls need to read this (even if it’s means breaking it down into a simpler post) so that they won’t make these mistakes.

  3. Definitely right. Men would respect you when you achieve your goals, stand your ground etc. I totally agree with you.

  4. This post is very important and so true especially about Nigerian men thinking you’re their wife and they want to be the most important thing in your life, I recently left a relationship and am working on myself and my goals.
    Although some men will push you to achieve your goals, they are very rare .

  5. Please don’t be putting your frustration in distortion of other people’s direction. if you have experienced heart break, it is your own story and your own mistake. everyone is entitled to their own choice, don’t try to generalise your little ideology of life.

    1. This blog is about sharing my thoughts and views as of the time I’m writing. Not claiming to know it all. So you don’t have to worry. Thanks for the feedback x

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